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Here’s what I’ve decided since the breakup…for the rest of 2008 and probably 2009, IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! I’m going to make decision based on my feelings about things. I’m done worrying or caring what others think. If I’m happy with my choices then that’s all that matters. I have a new goal for the next six months of 2008…the goal is PERSONAL GROWTH. I am branching out my interests.
I’ve decided that liking or not liking something is all in how you think about it. Lets take food for example. I NEVER thought that I like Sushi, the idea of eating raw fish just always grossed me out. But two years ago I decided to give it a try, guess what I LOVE IT! Yes there are certain raw fishes that I still can’t bring myself to like, but in general it is one of my favorite meals. Another food example is Flax Seed Meal, I’m learning to love it. I put it on/in almost everything I eat now. Yes it adds an interesting taste/texture at first but I’m just telling myself over and over “I can learn to love it”. So in the interest of “Learning to Love it” and personal growth I’ve decided that I’m going to “learn to love” exercise and “learn to love” to run. I’m going to “learn to love” a lot of things in the next year. This coming winter I’d love to learn some winter sports, Skiing or Snowboarding (anyone care to teach me? I promise I won’t whine too much, lol). I would also like to get back to playing the piano, I used to love doing this and I just lost it somewhere along the way of growing up. I also would like to commit to more volunteer work. Every year I say I want to do this and every year I don’t. Another thing that is changing for me…I’m swearing off all fast food and pop! I did this a few years ago for about a year (it started as something for Lent and carried through). I just remember feeling so much better when I wasn’t eating that crap. I just watched “Super Size Me” again and all I can say…EWWWW! This will also force me to focus on WeightWatchers more which should be easy if I’m not eating fast food.
I can promise by this time net year I am going to be an improved version of me. 2008 and 2009 are going to be VERY big years for me…that’s all thereis to it!
So I’m going to participate in The Brooksie Way Half Marathon & 5k Run/Walk in October. I was hoping that I would have been ambitious enough to do the half marathon, unfortunately I am in no shape to run a Half Marathon this year, but I’m making it my goal for 2009. So this year I’m going to do the 5k. I don’t know if I’ll be running the whole thing or not but I’m sure going to try. Anyone care to join me? You can find out more information at www.thebrooksieway.com.
So here are a couple pictures of some of my hobbies – Gardening, Photography, & Cake Decorating…
Enjoy!
Baking/Cake Decorating:
Gardening & Photography:
Here is the best picture I can find right now of me being fearless. I was maybe 4-5 years old in this picture, talk about guts!
Have I mentioned that I’m in cleaning and workout mode…
I can’t believe how much crap I’ve held onto through the years. I have an 18 gallon storage bin full of pictures and albums. I’m going to be sorting through these in the next few weeks and hopefully some of you will want some of the pictures you’re in. My cousin is going to take our grandma’s dining room table so I don’t have to put it into storage! Yay! This means that I will have more room in the storage unit for all the stuff I don’t want to get rid of. No matter what I’m still in cleaning mode…anybody want some furniture? I have a glass top table & 4 chairs, a fold out couch with matching chair and ottoman and a dresser…all up for sale. I’ll post the craigslist links in the next day or two.
I’m also becoming a little bit of a freak with working out. Tonight I went to a friends Mary Kay party and at 11:00pm her and I worked out. I just got home about 20 minutes ago (its 1:13am as I’m writing this). I’m having a banana and then I’ve got some Pilates to do and a little reading and then its off to bed.
Have I mentioned I have one of the cutest English Bulldogs in the WHOLE WORLD? His name is Bentley, he is four years old. Here are a few pictures of him for your enjoyment:
So I’m bound to get back on the dating horse. I don’t want to wait. Everyone says I should but as a wonderful friend pointed out in a birthday present a couple of years ago I’m pushing 30. Yes I know you can stop your sentence right now…I know it’s not that old and I have plenty of time ahead of me but guess what I don’t want to be alone. I worked well in a pair. I want to be there again. I’m not looking to dive into a serious relationship just dating, hanging out and making new friends.
I am trying to be fearless…so far like any great thing…it’s been work. Let me explain…
So here’s the deal…my heart is not near healed and I don’t know when it will get there – BIG SURPRISE I KNOW! I’m still holding onto the past the thought of what was and what could have been. But what happens when the only person you can think about is the one person you can’t have? What do you do when there is someone you can’t get out of your heart?
That’s a very funny title for me to use considering most of what has spurred me to start writing here is the fact that I have recently had my life turned upside down by a man I thought loved me for the last few years. Just over a week ago we were planning a wedding and now nothing. Two days ago he came back to the place we’ve shared for the last two years to give me back the would be engagement ring. An exquisite, yet small, 3 stone “past, present, future” ring. We were using diamonds passed down through my family so now I have this ring. What do I do with it?
I wear it with pride. Pride that I have not just crawled into bed and wept for the last week since the break up happened. Pride that I got up each day “pulled on my big girl pants” and went to work. Don’t get me wrong there have been times of tears. But its successfully been 3 days without tears. The scary part is I didn’t even cry when I came home after he moved out. I didn’t cry when he dropped off his keys and my ring. I didn’t cry as I started to sort through all my belonging trying to get rid of excess stuff because I must now give up our lovely 2 bedroom apartment and move back to my parents house at the wonderful age of 29…not exactly where I thought I would be.
So an old friend of mine took me out on the night of my ex’s moving day. Wow what a night. Dinner, drinks, laughing and a few tears. We had such a great time catching up. Even after all these years he’s there to come to my rescue.
So here I am back out there dating. Its been four long years since I’ve dated. Its sounds funny but I don’t really know where to begin. My ex and I met online and I’m just not sure that I want to go that route again. I’m just not “out there” in the bar scene or sports (although I’m trying to train for a 5k for the fall). How do I go about meeting guys? I work in a small office of unavailable men. I have no prospects on the horizon and what worthy guy is going to have any interest in dating someone who is almost 30 and living at home? EEK…I think I’m going to get good at the single life again, lol. Making matters even more difficult is the fact that I live in “Couple-ville”. 99% of my friends are married…those bitches. Anyone have any ideas?
