Well it wasn’t necessarily the best year I’ve had, but it definitely still brought some good times. I had many “potholes” in the road of 2008. This post isn’t all sunshine and roses but it was my life and I’d like to share.
In early 2008 my ex started traveling for work for several months at a time. But the highlight in all of the sadness of him being gone was that we were finally on the path to planning our November 08 wedding. We went in February in picked out my ring. But with him being gone the distance between us was very hard to bear. I saw him only 4 days over a 4 month period. It was a time when I didn’t see how much we were really growing apart. Some relationships could have survived this time apart with no major issues, sadly ours couldn’t.
In mid May my ex ended our three and half year long relationship and moved out a week later. My world crumbled around me. I was faced with the devastating loss of the man I thought I was going to be marrying. I also had to face that over the last few years I had vastly started to live outside my financial means. This meant that I also had to face the fact that I was going to have to move back home with my parents to get my financial life back into check, and to have the safe haven I so desperately needed while recovering from my breakup.
I think I survived the breakup and came through it a better person. I can look back now almost 8 months later and see that had my ex and I gotten married it would have probably been disastrous in the long run. I loved him with all my heart but the fact that I was able to recover the devastation so quickly says something to my brain, that maybe the love wasn’t an ever-lasting love.
In the midst of my breakup I had a great and unexpected highlight. I got to reconnect with an old friend who has been amazingly supportive and comforting through all of this. He has been a rock for me that I so needed.
I started dating fairly quickly and have enjoyed most of the experiences so far. I was seeing this one guy for just over a month, and things looked fairly good for us, but again the long term outlook wasn’t great. For as much as we liked each other I think it was actually our downfall.
I do believe the right guy is out there…I’ve just got to keep looking.
My family and friends have been so wonderful this past year. I don’t think I could have made it through everything I did without them. My mom & stepdad let me move home, my friend Lori was there to help with the move, and has been a wonderful force for me to turn to whenever anything is bothering me. She’s always there for me and I can’t thank her enough. They say in times like this you really get to see who your friends are and that couldn’t have been more correct.
Like before I will say the breakup did bring a few unexpected but welcomed highlights to my year. I have been able to prioritize my life better and realize how important my friends and family really are. I spent so much time this summer with my friends, something I just hadn’t really done the past few years. We had monthly get togethers, went camping a few times, experienced “Glow Golf” together and discovered a great food find in Ferndale (The Emroy). I saw 2 hilarious plays this year and had a few great bar nights out. This last fall I have been able to start reconnecting with my family. In times of any kind of tragedy you realize how important these people really are. They are the ones who have always been there, the ones who helped to shape who you are today, and the ones who always seem to find unconditional love for you in their hearts. I want to thank each and every one of you!
My dad and little sister came up from California this year for Thanksgiving. I was so happy to get to spend a couple of days with them. I hadn’t seen them in almost 4 years! It is terrible but with 3000 miles between us it is just difficult.
The holidays were hard this year. I was ready for it though and made the best of what I had. I thrive in chaos so Thanksgiving day I spent the morning with my mom & stepdad, the afternoon with one part of my family and dinner with my dad’s family. Christmas was pretty much the same. Christmas Eve I went to Warren to my stepdads nephews party then drove up to Clarkston for my grandmothers 83rd birthday party. Christmas day I spent with my mom & stepdad as I always do, then off to the other part of the family then out to Lapeer to my Aunts house. As much as I love seeing everyone there is a small part of me where this is starting to wear on me. FearlessGal is getting this small idea that maybe next year I’ll go on vacation over Christmas, we’ll see.
FearlessGal encountered one more loss in 2008. I had to find a new home for my beloved bulldog Bentley. I met his new parents one day before my 30th birthday and delivered him back to them 3 days later. I have checked in on him once since he went to his new home and it sounds like all is just as it should be. He is the happy loving bulldog that I knew before our move in June. I still think about him everyday and miss him deeply but I know deep down in my heart I made the right choice for him. If I would have tried to convince myself and my parents to allow him to stay with us I would have only been doing it for selfish purposes and that would be one of my greatest regrets.
So FearlessGal turned 30 this year. I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t really struggle to much with turning 30 in the time leading up to my birthday but in the 3 weeks since, I’ve really begun to have a harder time with it. But like all adversity I will tackle it head on. I’m taking full control of my life. There are things I want from life and I plan to get them. I refuse to wake up one day and be 40 or 50 and wonder what happened to the time and regret things I did not accomplish that I wanted to. I have stated in a previous post I want to live a life without regret. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say that I don’t regret one thing in my life but I know I’ll be able to say that I don’t regret one thing I did after I turned 30. This may all be bothering me more due to recent news we received about a beloved coworker, she has cancer. It is in her lungs and is spreading, it has made it’s way into her bones and though she has a difficult road to face, I’m sure she’ll do it with a style only she could.
New Years Eve was spent with friends, very low key but a ton of fun. Next year I’d like to be on a beach or cruise ship for the new year!
I’ve been reading more lately. I just read “The Last Lecture” again (I think this was probably the 3rd time since I got the book in April). I also just finished reading “From the Heart – Eight Rules to Live By” by Robin Roberts. Wow does it make you think. The combo of the two books in my head right now is amazing.
I hope that everyone can look back on thier year and see the lessons that it tried to show you, I know I learned a lot this last year.
I also hope everyone had a safe and happy holidays. I look forward to sharing the ups and downs of 2009 with everyone.
